Now I remember why I stopped blogging for so long. It can be so refreshing to really just “get it out there,” as they say, but then… you know… it’s OUT THERE. No takesy-backsies. Everyone’s already read it and they’ll know if you go in and change it. Directly after I got the notification that someone read it, the anxiety set in. Is this too personal? Should I hush? What if the way I worded something offended somebody?? I forgot to add such and such which furthers my point… And so it goes on. A lot of my personal anxieties would clear up if I was ever able to let things go. Just release it to the metaphorical winds and well there you go, nothing to be done about it now.
A few things that I wanted to clarify-
- None of my daughter’s Aunts, Uncles, or grandparents have been the ones to make rude comments. My husband and I are very lucky in that we’re both very close with our siblings and our parents. While we certainly hear comments and get “the looks” from others, they primarily come from strangers or distant family members that we don’t generally communicate with anyhow. I feel like this important to clarify because it’s not everyone that has a family that makes that much of an effort. They’ve all been a part of her life since she was a baby, so to them, it’s more like it doesn’t matter- she’s stuck with them anyhow and they’ve already put her in their hearts regardless, come what may.
- The studies on girls on the spectrum ARE new, and it’s more my hope to educate people on the differences as well as bring people into what we’re dealing with here on a daily basis. I’m not trying to make anyone feel scolded. It’s not really fair to expect people to be in the know or read complicated situations when we’ve kept pretty private about the majority of it. Our immediate families have been there every step of the way as well as our closest friends. They’ve been learning along with us how to help and how to answer questions, some that we all have and some that others might ask us.
Some things I often worry about-
- I often worry that people will read words like “mild,” and dismiss the struggles we face as nothing to worry about. I often worry that since we don’t have definitive answers, much less any to give, that we’ll be dismissed from the community of people who KNOW what they are dealing with. This one is especially important when we’re talking about girls since all the newer studies are showing that they often get overlooked due to their desire to fit in, make friends, and their ability to mask and mimic their peers.
I have often felt like people are implying I should calm down, stop worrying, and there are times when I’ve told myself that I needed to do those exact same things. Don’t make a mountain out of a molehill, so to speak. But if it was your child? Your gut? Your private conversations with God? Would you?
I tend to hold things inside for a long time and then the pressure builds and I dump it all at once. Details get lost in that sort of expressive process. It can make my reactions seem extreme or explosive, and sometimes I may get swept away in the flow of the release and forget to specify or clarify, and then hurt someone unintentionally or give the wrong or incomplete impression. This, I think, is ultimately what led to the deletion of previous blogs. I think perhaps this time I may just publish weekly or bi-weekly amendment posts.
If you’re following, if you’re maybe dealing with some of the same things and need someone to dump your thoughts out to, please feel free to private message me. I’m no expert. I can only relate through our common experiences, but I’m always willing to listen.